May I have your attention, please?

Will the real Skid Shady, please, squat down?

I repeat, will the real Skid Shady, please, squat down?

We’re gonna have a problem here

Y’all act like you never seen a turd on the floor

Jaws all on the ground like Pam dropped a log by the door

And started leavin’ a streak worse than before

They first saw the mess, slippin’ on it by the furniture (eww!)

It’s the return of the: Oh, wait, no way, you’re jokin’

He didn’t just poop what I think he did, did he?

And Dr. Dre said, nothin’, you idiots, Dre’s gaggin’

He’s locked in the bathroom (ugh!)

Clean-freaks hate Skid Shady

Chicka-chicka-chicka, Skid Shady, I’m sick of him

Look at him, squattin’ around, droppin’ his you-know-what

Leavin’ a you-know-who, yeah, but it smells so bad though

Yeah, I probably got a couple of screws up in my gut loose

But no worse than what’s comin’ out in your parents’ restroom

Sometimes I wanna get on TV and just let one rip

But can’t, but it’s cool for Tom Green to crap on a doorstep

My dump is on your floor, my dump is on your floor

And if I’m lucky, you might just slip and hit the door

And that’s the message that we deliver to little kids

And expect them not to know what a number two is

Of course they’re gonna know what a deuce is

By the time they hit fourth grade, they’ve seen the stains on the tiles, don’t they?

We ain’t nothin’ but mammals, well, some of us animals

Who leave little presents like brownies on the mantle

But if we can drop loads in the hallway or the staircase

Then there’s no reason that a man can’t poop in a briefcase

But if you feel like I feel, I got the antidote

Janitors, wave your mops, sing the chorus, and it goes

I’m Skid Shady, yes, I’m the real Shady

All you other Skid Shadys are just imitatin’

So won’t the real Skid Shady, please, squat down?

Please, squat down, please, squat down

Will Smith don’t gotta poop on the floor to sell records

Well, I do, so flush him and flush you too

You think I give a damn about a Grammy?

Half of you critics can’t even stomach me, let alone clean me

But, Skid, what if you win? Wouldn’t it be weird?

Why? So you guys could just lie to get me here?

So you can sit me here next to Britney Spears

Yo, shit, Christina Aguilera better switch me chairs

So I can sit next to Carson Daly and Fred Durst

And hear ‘em argue over who stepped in my turd first

Little snitch put me on blast on MTV

Yeah, he’s gross, but I think he’s married to Kim, heehee

I’m sick of you little clean-up crews, all you do is annoy me

So I have been sent here to soil you

And there’s a million of us just like me

Who poop like me, who just don’t give a fuck like me

Who squat like me, walk, talk, and plop like me

And just might be the next best thing, but not quite me

‘Cause I’m Skid Shady, yes, I’m the real Shady

All you other Skid Shadys are just imitatin’

So won’t the real Skid Shady, please, squat down?

Please, squat down, please, squat down

I’m like a head trip to step in