“Ohhh–em–GE,… seriouslyyy!”

“You are not gonna believe what I saw earlier, hehe”

I See You Made It

I’m walkin’ through town, just havin’ a mooch,

Window shoppin’, takin’ my time, no rush,

When I clock this bloke a few steps ahead,

Two big carrier bags, hands gripped like lead.

Bread pokin’ out, milk swayin’ about,

Eggs in the middle tryin’ not to fall out,

Packets of biscuits right there on the top,

You can tell he’s feelin’ proud of his big shop.

Then I see it…

One lonely banana skin sittin’ in the sun,

Lookin’ harmless but waitin’ for someone,

Before I can even open my mouth,

His foot hits it and he heads south.

Legs go flyin’, bags take flight,

Groceries scatterin’ left and right,

Bread hits the kerb, milk explodes,

Eggs smash fast in the middle of the road.

I’m stood there wide-eyed, tryna keep straight,

But it’s hard when you’ve just seen fate,

All from one cheeky bit of fruit in town,

Banana skin wins — he’s goin’ down.

Old lady on the bench’s got her hand to her mouth,

Some lads by the bus stop yell “man down” loud,

He’s on the floor tryin’ to style it out,

But there’s custard creams floatin’ in a puddle, no doubt.

Bread’s all soggy, milk’s runnin’ fast,

Biscuits leggin’ it like they’ve got a new plan,

One lonely egg’s still tryin’ to roll,

Straight for the drain like it’s got its own goal.

He stands up slow with a half-shy smile,

Checks the crowd like he’s been there a while,

But you can’t play it cool when the high street’s seen,

You lose to a banana — and it’s on the scene.

Milk in the gutter, bread on the kerb,

Biscuits scuttlin’ like they’ve just been disturbed,

Eggs makin’ tracks, no chance they’ll stay,

It’s a supermarket sweep in the worst kind of way.

I’m tryin’ not to giggle but I can’t keep still,

That slip’s gonna live in my head for real,

One tiny skin on a sunny day,

And his grocery game just slipped away.

Doesn’t matter your walk, doesn’t matter your shoes,

One bad step and you’re bound to lose,

Not the fall that hurts, it’s the pride that’s gone,

When your snacks are scattered and the crowd’s moved on.

Now I’m down the pub tellin’ the girls in detail,

Pint glass shakin’ as I re-enact the fail,

Legs in the air, milk sprayin’ round,

Biscuits rollin’ ‘cross the whole damn ground.

We’re laughin’ so much the table’s shakin’,

One mate’s cryin’ and the other’s achin’,

All ‘cause a bloke and his big shop trip,

Got done in by fruit and a perfect slip.