Well I was out in the field just breakin’ the ground,

On my John Deere baby, rollin’ around.

Got my overalls on, got a chaw in my lip,

Then I heard a POP and the tractor did skip.

Black gold started bubblin’ up through the clay,

I hollered, “Martha, we rich! We movin’ to L.A.!”

Called my brother-in-law and my cousin too,

Said, “I’m an oil baron now — how 'bout you?”

I'm gonna buy me a truck with a hot tub bed,

Sleep on a mattress made of cornbread.

Gonna pave the road with marble and beer,

Hire Willie Nelson just to chew my ear.

I struck it big, yessir it's true…

Oil in the soil, hallelujah, woo-hoo!

Bought a gold-plated chicken coop for my hens,

Got a butler named Rick just to milk the men—

I mean cows! Don’t get that twisted, friend,

I’m just livin’ large on that oily blend.

Told the bank, “Stick your loan where the sun don't glow,”

Bought a yacht for my pond — it don’t even float.

Put a chandelier in my outhouse stall,

I’m the redneck king of a southern Taj Mahal!

I’m wearin’ snakeskin socks on my goat’s feet,

Rollin’ cigars outta bacon grease.

Gonna wrestle Gators just for kicks,

Play poker with cows and politics.

I struck it big, I swear it’s true…

Oil in the soil, glory be, Yahoo!

Then I got a sniff... something turned real wrong,

Like a skunk got sick at a chili cook-off.

Took a closer look to confirm the stank,

And Lord have mercy! It's my septic tank!

It wasn’t crude, it wasn’t slick,

It was brown and bubbly and mighty thick.

A busted pipe from 1992…

That ain’t oil, friends — that’s human stew.

I’m covered in crap from my hat to my boot,

Smellin’ like a cow that done ate a toot.

There ain’t no mansion, no Hollywood call,

Just me and my shame in a poo waterfall.

I thought I struck gold, but here’s the clue…

Oil in the soil? Nope — just poo.