"Ayo... Boss just went to Chipotle... we got exactly twenty-seven minutes to make history... LET’S GOOO!"

(Coworker #1, whispering, annoyed): "Bro, please. Just send the client report."

(Coworker #2, whispering, exasperated): "HR literally said stop doing this, Dave."

(Coworker #3, sighs loudly): "This is why nobody invites you to happy hour, bro."

Ayy, class in session, everybody sit up!

Time to teach y’all how to get yo’ ghetto rank up! (YUH!)

First rule: If you beefin', gotta keep that thang tucked!

(Coworker #2: “Tucked WHERE?! You wear skinny jeans!!”)

Man, first off, never use your government name!

If yo’ mama call you Kevin? Nah, you Big K Tha Flame!

Gotta sag them slacks, don’t you dare pull ‘em up!

If your boxers ain’t showin’, man you ain’t hood enough!

(Coworker #1, groaning): "HR IS GONNA HEAR ABOUT THIS, BRO.")

Rule two! When you text, keep it gully, no cap!

Sayin’ “Regards” in an email? Man, what is that?!

Nah, it’s “Bet.” Maybe “Aight.” Keep it short, keep it tight!

Matter fact, drop an emoji, bruh—🔥🔥🔥!

(Coworker #2: "Did you just sign an email with three fire emojis?!")

(Coworker #3, whispering to himself): "This man put a ‘100’ emoji on a client invoice..."

"If you wanna be hood, then listen to meee!

Throw yo' badge to the side, act like you in these streetsss!

When ya boss call ya out, just say ‘Nah, that ain't me!’

Then clock out, walk out, and start slangin' CDs!

(Coworker #1, muttering): "Did this dude just tell us to start selling bootlegs in the office??"

(Coworker #2, sighing): "Dave, you literally have a 401(k)... what streets?!"

Ayy, lunchroom fridge? Take what you want! (AHA!)

You see a labeled meal? Nah, that’s community stock!

(Coworker #3, horrified: "YO, THAT WAS MY LASAGNA!")

Second rule: If yo' boss get loud? You get louder!

Start throwin’ gang signs up in that Zoom browser!

If he mad? Just stare! Unflinching, ice cold!

Then tell ‘em “You buggin’ bruh, I’m on payroll.”

(Coworker #1): "He just flipped off our CFO in the company Slack channel..."

(Coworker #2, whispering in terror): "Dave... this is a Fortune 500 company, bro...")

Yo, I’m from the mean streets of... LinkedIn connections!

Got the coldest sixteens in quarterly projections!

I finesse these meetings like AI detections,

HR say I'm "problematic"? Bruh, that's just my essence!

(Coworker #3, in awe: "Wait... lowkey that bar was hard tho?")

I don't do PTO, man I hustle through breaks!

Got the company card? Man, I run up the stakes!

I finesse the expense sheet, suit up with some J’s,

Then call it “corporate culture” just to dodge the complaints!

*(Coworker #2, gasping): "Wait—are those Jordans ON A BUSINESS TRIP RECEIPT?!?")

"If you wanna be hood, then listen to meee!"

"Throw yo' badge to the side, act like you in these streetsss!"

"When ya boss call ya out, just say ‘Nah, that ain't me!’"

"Then clock out, walk out, and start slangin' CDs!"

(Coworker #1, whispering: "Okay, that chorus kinda go crazy tho...")

(Coworker #2: "Goddammit… why is this fire?")

"Oh shit, he back—DELETE, DELETE, DELETE!"

(Boss, sternly): "Dave. My office. NOW."