I have absolutely no excuse for this one and that is exactly why I love it.
Wanted to go full feral with the banjo, make it dusty, mean, ridiculous and weirdly majestic at the same time. The turkeys are having a very bad day in this song, and yes, Tarja is apparently out there backflipping off fence posts like some swamp-born chaos witch. Also... once the line about the portable bidet existed, there was no honorable way back...

✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦

𝑩𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒕 𝑩𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒐
𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒍𝒂𝒘 • 𝒎𝒖𝒅 • 𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒋𝒐 • 𝒔𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒚

✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦

╭─ ✦ 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 ✦ ─╮
Hmmm...
Mud in my fate.
Calibrate.
Rrrrr-ahh!
╰─🐾─╯

🪕 ┈┈┈┈┈ ✦ ┈┈┈┈┈ 🪕

╭─ ✦ 𝑽𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝑰 ✦ ─╮
I slid through the briar with a brineglass grin,
in a hogwire dawn with my heels dug in.
Them gobblers strutted like tin-crowned dukes,
all flapjaw proud with their pinecone flukes.

Turkey-bone-broth in my cyclone eye,
squelchgut swagger in the kudzu sky.
Tarja backflipped off a fencepost rail,
yellin' “Gobble me never, thou feather-fail!”

╰─🌾🤠─╯

╭─ ✦ 𝑷𝒓𝒆-𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 ✦ ─╮
Was it luck?
Nope-nope-nope.

Was it scent?
Nope-nope-nope.

It was the pressure-grade.
Rrrrr-right.
╰─⚡─╯

✦ 💦 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 💦 ✦

And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
Woo-hoo!
clean-spray halo in the gobble-gray.
They can flap all mean in the sassafras shade,
but their whole bad day gets hydro-upstaged.

Rrrrr-raise it!

And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop!
brinebright, buckwild, blessed all the way.

wh-ooop!

🤠═══════════💦═══════════🤠

╭─ ✦ 𝑽𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝑰𝑰 ✦ ─╮
One bird came stompin' with a courtroom neck,
all thunder-beard wobble and barnyard respect.
My bidet went "psst" with a sainted hiss,
like a creek-born curse with a chrome-lipped kiss.

Turkey-bone-broth in the cattail steam,
gobbler got shook by the gleamstream beam.
Undead Chickens drifted in, mislaid in the glutchgrass slime,
cluckin' like a haunted sheriff way behind on time.

Tarja greased his feather-hide with lubricant glaze,
said “Now strut, thou slickbird menace, through the sassafras haze.”

╰─🪶💥─╯

✦ 🪕 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 🪕 ✦

Rrrrrrrrah!
And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
Woo-hoo!
clean-spray halo in the gobble-gray.
They can flap all mean in the sassafras shade,
but their whole bad day gets hydro-upstaged.

Rrrrr-roll, boys!

And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop!
brinebright, buckwild, blessed all the way.

💦 ┈┈┈┈┈ ✦ ┈┈┈┈┈ 💦

╭─ ✦ 𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒈𝒆 ✦ ─╮
Listen.

The gobbler thinks the woods belong to him.

False.

My hygiene ratio is frontier-perfect.
My splash theology is absolute.
I baptize panic.

Rrrrr-amen!
╰─⛪💦─╯

✦ 🚨 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 🚨 ✦

And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
Woo-hoo!
saint of the spray in the splatter-crate day.
All them gobblefiends can stomp and preen,
but I wash their swagger right outta the scene.

Rrrrr-ruined!

And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop!
no bird gets joy when I'm under them trees.

╭─ ✦ 𝑶𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒐 ✦ ─╮
Commit the rinse.
Bless the raid.
Feathers complained.
Rrrrr...

Hard stop.
Haaaa
╰─🪕💦🤠─╯

✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦

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