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Song
Bidet Buckaroo
꧁༺ Tαɾʝα ༻꧂
·
Apr 2026
·
3:54
outlaw country
cybergrunge
glitchy grunge/cyberpunk country-folk
865 plays
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I have absolutely no excuse for this one and that is exactly why I love it.
Wanted to go full feral with the banjo, make it dusty, mean, ridiculous and weirdly majestic at the same time. The turkeys are having a very bad day in this song, and yes, Tarja is apparently out there backflipping off fence posts like some swamp-born chaos witch. Also... once the line about the portable bidet existed, there was no honorable way back...
✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦
𝑩𝒊𝒅𝒆𝒕 𝑩𝒖𝒄𝒌𝒂𝒓𝒐𝒐
𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒍𝒂𝒘 • 𝒎𝒖𝒅 • 𝒃𝒂𝒏𝒋𝒐 • 𝒔𝒑𝒓𝒂𝒚
✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦
╭─ ✦ 𝑰𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 ✦ ─╮
Hmmm...
Mud in my fate.
Calibrate.
Rrrrr-ahh!
╰─🐾─╯
🪕 ┈┈┈┈┈ ✦ ┈┈┈┈┈ 🪕
╭─ ✦ 𝑽𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝑰 ✦ ─╮
I slid through the briar with a brineglass grin,
in a hogwire dawn with my heels dug in.
Them gobblers strutted like tin-crowned dukes,
all flapjaw proud with their pinecone flukes.
Turkey-bone-broth in my cyclone eye,
squelchgut swagger in the kudzu sky.
Tarja backflipped off a fencepost rail,
yellin' “Gobble me never, thou feather-fail!”
╰─🌾🤠─╯
╭─ ✦ 𝑷𝒓𝒆-𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 ✦ ─╮
Was it luck?
Nope-nope-nope.
Was it scent?
Nope-nope-nope.
It was the pressure-grade.
Rrrrr-right.
╰─⚡─╯
✦ 💦 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 💦 ✦
And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
Woo-hoo!
clean-spray halo in the gobble-gray.
They can flap all mean in the sassafras shade,
but their whole bad day gets hydro-upstaged.
Rrrrr-raise it!
And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop!
brinebright, buckwild, blessed all the way.
wh-ooop!
🤠═══════════💦═══════════🤠
╭─ ✦ 𝑽𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒆 𝑰𝑰 ✦ ─╮
One bird came stompin' with a courtroom neck,
all thunder-beard wobble and barnyard respect.
My bidet went "psst" with a sainted hiss,
like a creek-born curse with a chrome-lipped kiss.
Turkey-bone-broth in the cattail steam,
gobbler got shook by the gleamstream beam.
Undead Chickens drifted in, mislaid in the glutchgrass slime,
cluckin' like a haunted sheriff way behind on time.
Tarja greased his feather-hide with lubricant glaze,
said “Now strut, thou slickbird menace, through the sassafras haze.”
╰─🪶💥─╯
✦ 🪕 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 🪕 ✦
Rrrrrrrrah!
And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
Woo-hoo!
clean-spray halo in the gobble-gray.
They can flap all mean in the sassafras shade,
but their whole bad day gets hydro-upstaged.
Rrrrr-roll, boys!
And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop!
brinebright, buckwild, blessed all the way.
💦 ┈┈┈┈┈ ✦ ┈┈┈┈┈ 💦
╭─ ✦ 𝑩𝒓𝒊𝒅𝒈𝒆 ✦ ─╮
Listen.
The gobbler thinks the woods belong to him.
False.
My hygiene ratio is frontier-perfect.
My splash theology is absolute.
I baptize panic.
Rrrrr-amen!
╰─⛪💦─╯
✦ 🚨 𝑭𝒊𝒏𝒂𝒍 𝑯𝒐𝒐𝒌 🚨 ✦
And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
Woo-hoo!
saint of the spray in the splatter-crate day.
All them gobblefiends can stomp and preen,
but I wash their swagger right outta the scene.
Rrrrr-ruined!
And that's why I always turkey hunt with my portable bidet,
wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop! wh-ooop!
no bird gets joy when I'm under them trees.
╭─ ✦ 𝑶𝒖𝒕𝒓𝒐 ✦ ─╮
Commit the rinse.
Bless the raid.
Feathers complained.
Rrrrr...
Hard stop.
Haaaa
╰─🪕💦🤠─╯
✦ 🤠💦🪕 ═══════════════════════════════ 🪕💦🤠 ✦
© 2026 by ꧁༺ Tαɾʝα ༻꧂ | AI-GENERATED CONTENT | gem. Art. 50 EU AI Act – Verordnung (EU) 2024/1689
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