Bard Problems
Starts as a medieval drinking song with lute and tambourine, but quickly flips into rap/trap. The humor is self-aware: the bard complains about his job, mocks nobles and peasants alike, and turns into an EDM/Trap anthem. Instruments: lute riffs sampled as EDM hooks, flutes turned into high-pitched leads, tavern claps layered into trap snares.
Bard Problems
Starts as a medieval drinking song with lute and tambourine, but quickly flips into rap/trap. The humor is self-aware: the bard complains about his job, mocks nobles and peasants alike, and turns into an EDM/Trap anthem. Instruments: lute riffs sampled as EDM hooks, flutes turned into high-pitched leads, tavern claps layered into trap snares.
Lyrics
Intro – Drunken tavern chorus, lute strumming
Oh sing, dear bard, play us a tune!
Same damn song ‘til the rise of the moon!
Ale for a verse, bread for a rhyme,
But the joke’s on me every single time…
Build – Tambourine, faint hi-hats creep in
They say: “Sing of the king, his mighty reign!”
But I saw him fall off his horse again.
Sing of knights, their noble quest—
They got lost ‘cause the map was jest.
Drop 1 – EDM/Trap bass + lute riff turned into synth hook
(Bard problems!)
Paid in mead, never in gold
(Bard problems!)
Singin’ the lies that the crown has sold
Verse 1 – Rap with tavern background claps
I’m the Spotify of the Middle Age
Except no coins, just beer for wage
Every tavern drunk wants the same old track
“Play Dragon Slayer!” — man, cut me some slack
I roast the nobles but they don’t hear
Too busy drownin’ in imported beer
The jester steals half my rhymes at night
But I still headline at the feast, all right
Chorus – Half sung bard chant, half trap chant
Raise your mugs, it’s a cursed career
Bard’s been broke for a thousand years
Spin that lute, let the bassline roll
‘Cause satire’s sharper than a sword to the soul
Drop 2 – EDM/Trap explosion, lute melody chopped, chants of “HEY!”
(Bard problems!)
Write a song, no one listens right
(Bard problems!)
Yet the trap beat make the hall ignite
Verse 2 – Faster rap flow, heavier 808s
Scroll after scroll, I just write these rhymes
But the scribes claim credit half the time
The queen said sing, but don’t make it lewd
While the court in the back’s actin’ kinda rude
Peasants say: “Man, you just sold out!”
But the bassline hit and they still shout
So I turn my pain into medieval trap
Bard life sucks, but the beat still slap
Final Drop – EDM festival climax, choir shouts “BARD! BARD! BARD!”
(Bard problems!)
From the dungeon up to the stage
(Bard problems!)
Still the hottest act of the age
Outro – Lute fading back, bard mutters sarcastically
Another day, another rhyme,
Still broke, still drunk, every single time.
But if the kingdom falls, one truth remains:
The bard got beats runnin’ through his veins.