Woke up drowning in self-pity, what a glorious day

Body’s a battlefield, and the germs win the game

Lying here, scrolling, existential dread

Oh no—guess I’m dying in my bed

Thermometer says I’m melting alive

Guess my dreams will have to wait till I die

Somebody, please, write my eulogy

“Here lies a punk too weak for caffeine”

Too sick to rock, too lame to die

I’d rise again, but I really can’t try

Trapped in a blanket, defeated, betrayed

Send my regards—I wasted the day

Nose is a faucet, my willpower’s dead

Coughing like I smoked two packs in my head

Life is a concert, but I missed the show

Somebody play my emo solo 🎸

Oh, the world moves on without me

(How dare it, I’m clearly in pain!)

Will I ever leave my mattress?

Or am I doomed to rot this way?!

Checked my reflection—oh god, what’s that?!

A gremlin with tissues and zero pizzazz

Eyes like a raccoon, my hair is a crime

Even my mirror just whispered, “decline.”

Too sick to rock, too lame to die

If I had a will, I’d kiss it goodbye

Call my fans, tell ‘em Alice is done

It’s over now—I’ve lost to the common cold 🎭

Oh, someone mourn my tragic fate!

Or at least… make me soup… (sniffle)

Dammit!!!

(dramatic strings build… then sudden whisper)

This is it… (cough)

Tell the world… I was legendary…

(deep inhale—fake heroic voice)

BUT I SHALL RISE AGAIN!!! (cough-cough… wheeze… falls back down)

Or not… idk… wake me up next week… 😵💀