Professor Puff's Steam Scheme
steampunk, industrial rock, alternative rock, rap
Professor Puff's Steam Scheme
steampunk, industrial rock, alternative rock, rap
Lyrics
Intro – Mechanical ticking layered with rising steam hiss, clarinet trill, brass swell
(Spoken, distorted megaphone FX)
Tick-tock, tighten that bolt —
Professor Puff is back with a jolt.
Rap engineer, steam rogue supreme —
Bringing brass bars and a bonkers dream.
Verse 1 – Piston-snare beat with low brass punctuations, ticking hi-hats, gear clank FX between lines
Built a blimp in a bathtub — classy crime,
Flew it through Parliament, just in time.
Goggles fogged up but the flow stayed clean,
Tophat spinning like a gyroscope queen.
Industrial hiss after “clean”, rotating gear SFX after “queen”
Monkey on my shoulder types my rhymes,
Every beat powered by tea and crimes.
Call me cracked? That’s quaint and cute —
I write symphonies on a steam-powered lute.
Lute-like synth pluck under final line, pressure pop SFX every 2 bars
Pre-Chorus – Accordion riff kicks in, tap-dance rhythm over snare shuffle
(Spoken, fast-paced)
I once won a duel with a coffee spoon,
Then sold the rights to a brass balloon!
Crescendo in muted trumpet, toy piano riff echoes out
Chorus – Full brass section, distorted electric guitar riff, heavy drum beat, deep analog bassline
Steam and schemes, I grind my gears,
While sipping diesel, shedding tears.
Genius or joke? Depends who asks —
Either way, I rock goggles and flasks.
Typewriter percussion returns mid-line, calliope notes swirl under “asks”
Verse 2 – Slow gear rhythm + kazoo harmony line + snapping fingers
I invented a toaster that sings at dawn,
With a monocle, vest, and voice like brawn.
My ex was a robot with feelings and sass,
Left me for a duke made entirely of gas.
Kazoo riff under each punchline, mechanical sigh FX between lines
Blueprint ink made of squid and wine,
Blueprints smell like "danger — but fine."
Call me vain, call me mad —
I installed jets on my granddad’s plaid.
Steam-burst brass at line end, glitched pocketwatch ticking under beat
Bridge – Tempo slows, bowed saw and calliope, spooky music-box chord progression
(Spoken, whispering)
Ever danced with a banshee in a boiler room?
She’ll fix your soul... then charge you rent.
Metal creaking FX over bowed saw glissando
Final Chorus – Tempo spike, trap hi-hats meet distorted brass band, call-and-response vocals
Steam and schemes, my final plan —
To paint Big Ben in a frying pan.
I’m the clockwork poet of rust and grit,
The gentleman fool who just won’t quit.
Horn stab at line end, echo FX on “won’t quit”, layered gear-rattle loop
Outro – Brass fading out, slow ticking returns, accordion loop drops to minor key
(Spoken, calm and sinister)
So if you hear metal laughing in the fog…
Don’t run. Just tip your hat.
It’s probably me.
Professor Puff... signing off.