[Intro – Ominous Crunch Chant]
It’s the sequel my Funyuns let’s get this joint started right open your bag with me pipe weed and Funyuns the one true power is onions, they running !!
Two towers rising…
Mordor’s waking…
Isengard shaking…
Snack-lord’s will…
Un—un—unbreaking.

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[Verse 1 – Return of the Crunch Lord]
Yeah, Saruman staring as the chip dust swirls,
I’m crowned in delicious rings like Eowyn curls.
Legolas aiming, missed then blaming, but he can’t shoot through
The b-b-b-bag’s golden glow when the aura grew.

Frodo froze up when he saw my snack throne,
Samwise whispering, “Mister Frodo… leave him alone.”
But I’m deep in the munch , the crunch— no stopping this king,
Gimli tried to steal a ring… now he’s guarding my swing as I devour more rings of power.

Two towers of Funyuns stacked high like lore,
Ents march in but quickly slip on crumbs on the floor.
Shadowfax pulls up like, “you rang for a ride?”
I say sorry, “But I’m too damn busy letting onion gods slide.”

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[Pre-Chorus – Snack Temptation Rising / Extended]
I lick the dust slow, slow—
like Smeagol with a treasure he ain’t letting go.
Twin towers glowing—
bag crack open like it’s all-knowing.

Flavor be creeping up my spine,
a p-p-prophecy in powdered brine.
Every bite a battle call,
hear Minas Tirith tremble, walls might fall.

Twin powers tower,
my hunger blooms like Mordor’s flower.
Hit another bite
and the Fellowship flees from the sight.

Yeah, kingdoms cower
when the crunch rolls in with its final hour.
Every ring I claim,
reshapes the world in my Funyun name.
In my Funyun name.

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[Chorus – Twin Snack Supremacy]
I’m the King of the Two Towers,
Snack-wrought titan with the crunch that devours.
Bow down when the hunger glowers,
Yeah, I rise like mythic powers.

King of the Two Towers,
Chip-dust oracle in midnight hours.
Take a knee when that craving flowers—
I’m the ruler of the golden showers.
Funyuns. Relax😉

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[Verse 2 – War of the Onion Lords]
Aragorn said “For Frodo” — I said “For snacks,”
Opened the bag and the world turned black.
Boromir’s ghost whispering “one does not simply…,”
But I c-c-c-crunched so loud he vanished instantly.

Gandalf the White dropped his staff mid-spell,
When he tasted a ring and said “oh hell.”
Éomer rode in with the Riders of Rohan,
But the dust cloud hit — now he snack-convert, no plan.

Smeagol in the corner going “my precious, yum,”
But I slapped his hand back with my c-c-crunching thumb.
Shelob tried to web me, thought she had a feast,
Till I fed her a ring — now she’s my bitch the 8 legged onion beast.

Isengard flooded but my stash stayed dry,
Bags stacked tall like Barad-dur in the sky.
This ain’t no quest — this is rations and reigns,
I’m the Funyun-lord forging c-c-crunching domains.
I’m the Funyun-lord forging c-c-crunching domains.

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[Bridge – Stutter Mod / Twin-Tower Crunch Frenzy]
C-c-c-crunch when the towers rise,
D-d-d-dust raining from the skies.
F-f-f-fellowship in disguise,
Snack-king terror in your eyes.

B-b-b-bow when the flavor hits,
T-t-t-tremble like orcish fits.
R-r-r-rings stacked past the pits—
Yeah, I snack with apocalypse.

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[Final Chorus – Full Snack Domination]
I’m the King of the Two Towers,
Onion-born tyrant with the snack-filled powers.
Hear the crunch echo through ancient halls—
Yeah, the Funyuns lord never falls.

King of the Two Towers,
Golden dust blessing all who cower.
Might as well crown me while the craving howls—
’Cause I conquer with Funyuns towers.