כי האדם עץ השדה

“For man is a tree of the field”

Deuteronomy 20:19

Toward the end of this week’s Parasha, the Tora addresses the laws of war and teaches the Jewish soldier to behave with respect and dignity, even on the battlefield. One of the most notable details refers to not destroying the city or its fields without reason. Trees are particularly mentioned, indicating that they must not be viewed and attacked as “the enemy.” The unusual language the Tora uses in this case lends itself to metaphorical interpretations that arise when comparing men to trees.

Today I would like to extend that comparison to the area of raising our children (parenting) and reflect on the inexhaustible patience that this task demands.

At times, our children seem stuck, not maturing at the pace we expected. This concern intensifies when they have brothers or sisters who do seem to advance. Parents sometimes do not understand the influence of time in our children’s development and we find ourselves trapped in worries, suffering unnecessary tensions. We forget what an expert in the field once mentioned: most behavioral problems in children resolve with time.

I remember certain students in our Talmud Tora: in fifth and sixth grade they were a constant challenge. Restless, they would not stop talking and interrupting. They bothered their classmates, disobeyed the teachers, and frequently the only solution was to send them out of the classroom. They spent more time with the principal than with their classmates. However, as the years passed—fifteen or more—many of those “unbearable” children turned into exemplary parents, successful entrepreneurs, brilliant professionals, or people of admirable religious discipline.

What happened?

They were simply maturing at their own pace or, as neurologists say, “the brain needed time to strengthen the connections between its different sections and hemispheres.”

Having patience does not mean that we parents should sit back with folded arms, just waiting—and praying—for our children to mature. It is essential to always be present to talk, guide, and encourage. We must never stop doing so.

To better understand the process of growth that many of our children undergo and to better grasp our role as parents, I would like to share the story of the bamboo tree.

At the beginning, it is crucial to prepare the soil, select an optimal place with sufficient light and humidity. Then the seeds are planted. During the first year, the soil is watered constantly, but nothing visible happens. In the second year, it is watered and fertilized, but still not a single sprout emerges. In the third year, care continues with the hope of seeing some change, but still there are no signs of bamboo. In the fourth year, the ground remains the same. The fifth year arrives and, seeing no results, one might think the attempt has failed. Yet, surprisingly, halfway through that year the bamboo begins to grow rapidly and—in just six months—it can reach up to 30 meters in height!

The question is: how long did it really take to grow? The immediate answer would be “six months.” But in reality, it took five and a half years to grow: to break through the ground and begin to develop visibly. And once it started, nothing could stop it.

During those five and a half years, the bamboo was growing downward, forming a solid root system capable of supporting its great size.

Our children often go through a similar process. Their growth requires constant care “even if results are not visible,” with inexhaustible patience. Let us remember the bamboo: if during those first five years one had stopped watering or protecting the seed, the tree would never have emerged.

Every word of encouragement we give, even in moments of rebellion or immaturity, is like water for the bamboo. Our children are growing and developing in ways we do not see. We do not know when that inner growth will manifest outwardly, reaching surprising heights—sometimes even surpassing those siblings who seemed further ahead.

Like bamboo trees, our children need to be permanently nurtured with love and dedication.

With time, and with Divine help, they will mature and flourish.