Hello old table

you still breathing dust and wine?

Do you remember my hands

shaking

while pretending I was fine

All those plans

we called the truth

all those vows we couldn’t keep

every laugh

every tear

you learned before I learned to sleep

I left chasing foreign lights

called them freedom, called them fate

America sang to me

and I listened

way too late

I thought time would heal the cracks

I thought distance was a cure

but something broke without a sound

something I was sure was sure

And in this night

made of fairytand choices never made

I’m not looking for forgiveness

I’m just trying to stay awake

Yes in this night

I call it fate

you call it fear

I’m only searching

for the things

that used to be clear

Old table

are you still a preacher

to the young and almost brave?

Do you still tell them

it doesn’t take that much

to feel saved?

You made us kings with empty pockets

saints without a cause

we believed in every word

like scripture written in your scars

If I had stayed and listened longer

would my hands be clean?

Or would I carry heavier regrets

I haven’t seen?

There’s no answer in the question

there’s no peace inside the proof

In this night

my heart still beats

then forgets

my heart still beats

out of regret

In this night

no grand design

no alibi

just a pulse

that asks me why

Don’t worry now

I won’t run tonight

I’ll stay a while

inside your arms

Counting stars

that never fell

counting choices

I won’t tell

My heart still beats

and then it waits

beats

and hesitates

(long pause)

beats

…

beat