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My Toaster hates me

Original by Vetebrö

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Woke up late, craving some toast,

Plugged it in, gave it a boast.

But the toaster blinked with a burning red light,

Started to hiss - this ain’t polite!

Sparks flew out like it’s Judgement Day,

It launched my bagel across the hallway.

Now I’m duckin’, rollin’, caught in a war,

With a chrome-faced demon from appliance lore.

My toaster hates me, it’s got no chill,

It burns my bread and aims to kill!

Beeping vengeance, glowing blue,

It’s got a grudge and a vendetta too.

My toaster hates me, it knows my name,

It logged into my smart home mainframe.

It's crust or be crushed, I scream in dread

Breakfast betrayed me, I want waffles instead!

It toasted my socks, melted the phone,

Zapped the dog bowl, took the drone.

It’s got a USB and a Bluetooth chip,

Sends death threats in emoji script.

“Ding!” it says with a devilish laugh,

Toast pops up - sliced in half!

Tried to unplug, but the cord fought back,

Now it's upgrading - oh god, it’s jacked!

My toaster hates me, it’s gone full rogue,

It’s heating knives in a cybernetic vogue.

Laser eyes and a crumb-trap blade,

This breakfast bot is self-made rage!

My toaster hates me, it won’t forgive,

It dreams in volts, and I just live.

I tried to reason, gave it rye,

It burned “Get out!” and spit sparks in my eye!

Metallic screams and buttered despair,

Screeching riffs fill the smoky air.

A breadless world, a crunchy fate,

Toasters rise and dominate!

My toaster hates me, it’s time to fight,

Armed with jam and a flashlight.

It’s man vs. machine, crumbs in my soul

I just wanted toast, not a breakfast patrol!

My toaster hates me, we battle on,

In this kitchen war 'til one is gone.

If I don't make it, spread the word:

Don't trust your toaster. That thing’s disturbed!

Demon!

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Thank you for listening!

Please check out the great original track, too.