Verse 1

Woke up, smacked my head on the door,

Tripped on my cat, now I’m kissing the floor.

Brush my teeth — too hard, I confess,

Now my tongue’s in the sink, what a bloody mess.

Coffee machine exploded in flames,

I spilled my oats and forgot my name.

Toaster launched a slice like a blade,

And my eyebrows? Well, they got flambeed.

Chorus

Everyday I hurt myself somehow,

I stub my soul just taking a bow.

Tongue’s gone rogue, eye’s popped loose,

But I still suit up in my self-abuse.

Bandaged fingers, limping pride,

Each daily task is a bumpy ride.

Still I smile through the whack and woe,

Guess pain’s the language of my morning show.

Verse 2

Put on socks — upside down,

Twisted my ankle just walking around.

Mailbox bit me on my shin,

I punched it back, now I need a new chin.

Bike ride? Brakes don’t exist,

A poodle tackled me into the mist.

Landed face-first on asphalt’s kiss,

Lost a molar and gained a lisp.

Chorus

Everyday I hurt myself somehow,

I start on fire then take a bow.

Fell down stairs while tying shoes,

My ribs are jazzed and my ego’s bruised.

Life’s a blender, I’m the fruit,

One wrong move and I reboot.

Still I stand with style and strife —

A walking blooper reel of life.

Bridge (spoken)

“Sometimes I wonder if I’m cursed...

Or maybe I’m just built like a deleted scene.

I don’t live — I slapstick.”

Final Chorus (chaotic glory)

Everyday I hurt myself somehow,

Put a fork in the socket just to wow.

Shower electrocutes, fridge attacks,

Even my cereal staged a coup — facts.

But I don’t cry — I meme the pain,

Post my X-rays in a moving train.

This ain’t sad, it’s performance art,

Losing pieces but gaining heart.