(yeah old man…)

Move your toys, Santa.

I’m back.(back)

Pointy hat, sharp grin,

and a list longer than yours.

Call me the Christmas Witch,

I used to ride with Santa in his sleigh run,

til I found messages on his old red phone

from some factory worker wishin’ he’d “visit soon.”

I laughed once.

Then laughed again.

Then snapped his candy cane in half

with one hand.

Now I’m draggin’ my broom down Main Street,

kickin’ those gift boxes left and right,

don't be scared Santa,

not gonna tell the world

that every “ho-ho” you sent to strangers (HO-HO-HO)

just kiddin

am insane and christmas is in danger.

Forget cookies

I’m leavin’ traps in every chimney.

You climb in wrong,

you ain’t climbin’ out clean.

(yeah…)

Reindeer see me comin’

and pretend they limp,

act like they need “rest.”

Good choice.

I’m the Christmas Witch

broom kick, wild grin, total sin free menace.

Santa messed up

now the whole season learn what petty look like.

Christmas Witch

tearin’ ribbons, breakin’ wreaths,

smilin’ wide.

If I catch that man again,

he gon’ hide indoors all week.

I pulled up to the workshop,

elves stared like they seen a lawsuit,

I said: “Relax

I only need his address and his schedule.”

They gave it fast.

Smart elves.

I don’t chase honey

I just appear.

Right next to his sleigh

while he checkin’ his route

like I wasn’t behind him three seconds ago.

He tried to gift me a teddy bear,

I threw it back so hard

it stuck in the wall like a dart.

He said, “It was a mistake.”

I said, “So was trust.”

Then slashed one ribbon

and watched his whole bag collapse.

(yeah…)

Now he runnin’ through town

tryin' to save “holiday spirit,”

and I’m behind him

switchin’ labels on every gift,

makin' sure couples get confused

and families argue over stuff they didn’t want.

This my season now

chaos wrapped neat.

I’m the Christmas Witch

broom kick, wild grin, total sin free menace.

Santa messed up

now the whole season learn what petty look like.

Christmas Witch

tearin’ ribbons, breakin’ wreaths,

smilin’ wide.

If I catch that man again,

he gon’ hide indoors all week.

He should’ve stayed loyal.

He should’ve stayed home.

He should’ve blocked that number

before I checked his phone.

Too late now

holiday ruined,

witch upgraded,

Santa downgraded.

So hang your socks,

set your table,

play your songs

none of it safe this year.

I’m the Christmas Witch,

and if Santa want peace,

he better show up

with apology number one…

and gift number two.