Woke up shiverin’ in my flip‑flops,

Frostbite on my soul and my tank‑top.

Weather app says “Feels like: WHY?”

Even the iguanas fell outta the sky.

Palm trees lookin’ at me like,

“Girl, we did NOT agree to this life.”

I moved here for sunshine and mild humidity,

Not this Arctic Circle humidity‑with‑attitude energy.

I’m gonna cancel my subscription to Florida,

This trial period’s colder than Minnesota.

If I wanted frost, I’d go to North Dakota —

But I’m in Tampa Bay yellin’ “TURN THE HEAT BACK ON, YA JOKERS!”

Endless winter, you’re rude and uninvited,

Take your cold front back, I never subscribed to it.

I’m a summer girl, this ain’t what I ordered —

Refund me now, I’m freezing in Florida.

My neighbor’s wearing three coats and crocs,

Publix sold out of soup and socks.

Saw a snowman made of beach sand cry,

Said “I’m too young to die in July.”

Even the gators are filing complaints,

Saying “We cold‑blooded, but this ain’t what we meant.”

Tourists look lost, like “Where’s the heat?”

Buddy, join the club — Florida’s in defeat.

I’m gonna cancel my subscription to Florida,

This cold snap’s faker than a theme‑park Yoda.

If I wanted chills, I’d move to Nova Scotia —

But I’m in the Sunshine State yellin’ “WHERE’S THE SUN, I DON’T KNOW HER!”

Endless winter, you’re rude and uninvited,

Take your cold front back, I never subscribed to it.

I’m a beach girl, this ain’t what I ordered —

Refund me now, I’m freezing in Florida.

Mother Nature, girl, we need to talk —

You sent the wrong package, please take this back.

I checked the label, it says “Arctic Blast,”

But my address clearly says “NO THANKS.”

So winter, pack your bags and go,

Leave the cold to Idaho.

Bring back the heat, the sweat, the glow —

Florida’s not built for snow‑adjacent lows.