Once upon a time my friend @uncommonloon spewed out these amazing herring lyrics but was too embarrassed to post the song. Here we are, a few months later, giving this text the sound it was begging for.

Just know that I changed almost nothing from the original text made by one and only @uncommonloon, nor did I add anything of my own. Enjoy this masterpiss that has already become an inside joke

——————-

Я вчера нажрался просто в хлам,

Тёща в гости, блядь, приехала к нам.

Привезла пирожки — и говорит: "На, жри!"

Хуяк, кусаю —у них селёдка внутри!

"Что за нахуй?" — кричу сквозь слёзы,

А она ржёт, старая заноза.

"Это новый рецепт, прикинь, диетический!"

Да блять охуеть, это пиздец гастрономический!

Пирожки с селёдкой! Пирожки с селёдкой!

Это полный пиздец, не заешь даже водкой!

Пирожки с селёдкой! Пирожки с селёдкой!

Вроде пирожок, а внутри - подъёбка!

На работе рассказал — все в ахуе,

"Неси скорей!" — все орут, "fuck yeah"!

Принёс им пирожки, жрут бешеные, злые

Сожрали всё, "Неси ещё, мудила!"

Теперь я модный, мать его, гурман,

Хожу по офису как ёбаный султан.

"Гони рецепт", директор даже просит,

Да я же блядь не знаю, пускай он тёщу спросит!

Пирожки с селёдкой! Пирожки с селёдкой!

Это полный пиздец, не заешь даже водкой!

Пирожки с селёдкой! Пирожки с селёдкой!

Вроде пирожок, а внутри - подъёбка!

Вчера в клубе диджей нас всех спросил:

"Что за мудак такое замутил?"

А я уже бухой, вылез на сцену:

"Тёща моя, ебать вас об колено!"

У тёщи нынче очередь в подъезде

Стоят мажоры как бараны на пизде

Она ж печёт и шлёт их нахуй всех подряд

"Для зятя, ёб вас всех конём, идите в ад!"

Пирожки с селёдкой! Пирожки с селёдкой!

Это полный пиздец, не заешь даже водкой!

Пирожки с селёдкой! Пирожки с селёдкой!

Вроде пирожок, а внутри - подъёбка!

Но похуй, что все крутят у виска

Съешь пирожок, и жизнь не пиздецка.

Тёща, неси нам выпечки ещё, ебать

Пирожки с селёдкой мы будем продвигать

——————

"Pastries with herring"

I got completely fucking wasted yesterday,

My mother-in-law came to visit, for fuck's sake.

She brought pastries — and says: "Here, eat!"

I take a fucking bite — there's herring inside!

"What the fuck?" I scream through tears,

And she's laughing, the old pain in the ass.

"It's a new recipe, get this, it's dietary!"

Holy fucking shit, this is a culinary fuck-up of epic proportions!

Pastries with herring! Pastries with herring!

This is total bullshit, you can't even wash it down with vodka!

Pastries with herring! Pastries with herring!

It looks like a pastry, but inside it's a fucking joke!

I told them at work — everyone was shocked,

"Bring them here!" everyone yells, "fuck yeah!"

I brought them the pastries, they're eating like crazy, pissed off

They ate everything, "Bring more, you asshole!"

Now I'm a fucking trendy gourmet,

I walk around the office like a fucking sultan.

"Give me the recipe," even the director asks,

But I fucking don't know it, let him ask my mother-in-law!

Pastries with herring! Pastries with herring!

This is total bullshit, you can't even wash it down with vodka!

Pastries with herring! Pastries with herring!

It looks like a pastry, but inside it's a fucking joke!

Yesterday at the club the DJ asked everyone:

"What kind of asshole came up with this?"

And I'm already drunk, I climb on stage:

"My mother-in-law, fuck you all!"

Now there's a line for my mother-in-law in the entryway

Rich kids are standing there like sheep

She's baking and telling every single one of them to fuck off

"It's for my son-in-law, fuck all of you, go to hell!"

Pastries with herring! Pastries with herring!

This is total bullshit, you can't even wash it down with vodka!

Pastries with herring! Pastries with herring!

It looks like a pastry, but inside it's a fucking joke!

But I don't give a fuck that everyone thinks we're crazy!

Eat a pastry, and life isn't so shitty!

Mother-in-law, bring us more baked goods, damn it!

We're gonna promote these pastries with herring