“Oops… wrong beam!”

Cough cough cough “Brooo… send me back!”

They meant to grab a blunt, but they took a guy,

Beamed him up in a flash of neon sky.

He said, “Yo wait… I didn’t sign for this trip,”

They just handed him a bong, said, “Take a rip.”

Now he’s coughing, eyes all red,

Floating upside down in the alien bed.

Crying out, “Please send me home!”

But they just laughed and passed the cone.

Too high to phone home!

The aliens won’t let go.

He’s lost in smoke, out of control,

Begging, “Earth is where I wanna roll!”

But Gaia’s green done stole his soul,

Now he’s too high to phone home.

They lit up Saturn, smoked out Mars,

Rolled a joint the size of two space cars.

Dude said, “I can’t feel my toes or knees,”

They said, “Relax, bro, welcome to the Pleiades.”

He’s baked beyond the human zone,

Streaming tears in zero-G stoned.

“Send me home, my mom’s gonna freak!”

Aliens just laughed, “One more hit this week!”

Too high to phone home!

ET’s stash won’t ever slow.

His lungs are fried, he’s lost control,

Begging, “Please, I just want my bowl.”

But Gaia’s green’s their cosmic goal—

He’s too high to phone home.

“Put the roach in warp speed!”

“Brooo I can’t feel my teeth…”

Galactic smoke fills the room,

He’s high till at least next June.

Too high to phone home!

Now he’s part of the alien show.

No way back, he’s lost his role,

Just another stoner in the cosmic fold.

Pass the blunt to infinity,

Earth will have to wait for me…

“He’s fine, just give him water.”

“Nah bro, roll another!”

Cough cough cough… “Ssssend me hoooome…”