They tell me I look better, but I’ve never felt this weak.

I’m so full of words I’m too terrified to speak.

I’m playing “normal” like a game I’m destined to lose,

Covering the wounds and hiding every single bruise.

I’m sorry for the mess, I’m sorry for the things I did,

But I’d try a million times—I don’t care what I have to admit.

I’m so close to breaking, I’m so close to losing my grip.

The “I’m sorry” is right there, on the edge of my lip.

I don’t want the “peace,” I don’t want the distance or space,

I just want to yell that I’m failing and miss your face.

I can’t forget you, I’ve tried and I’ve failed every day.

I’m sick of the acting, I’m sick of having nothing to say.

I was wrong, okay? I’m sorry, I’ll say it until I scream,

I just want to wake up from this “normal” little dream.

Give me one more chance, I’ll try a million times, I swear,

I’d take all the blame, I’d take more than I can bear.

I go to work, I drink my coffee, I make the usual small talk.

But I’m shaking inside every single block I walk.

I want to tell them all to shut up, I want to make a scene,

Because I’m nowhere near the person that I’ve ever been.

(I’m still breaking… even when I smile)

(I’m still waiting… all the damn while)

To hell with my pride, and to hell with being “smart,”

It didn’t do a thing to stop the breaking of my heart.

I’m tired of the space, I’m tired of being “mature,”

I just want the chaos back, the one I can’t endure.

I’d say it again, and again, and again—I was wrong!

I’ve been faking this “strength” for way too fucking long.

I can’t forget you, I’ve tried and I’ve failed every day.

I’m sick of the acting, I’m sick of having nothing to say.

I was wrong, okay? I’m sorry, I’ll say it until I scream,

I’m done being “smart,” I’d try a million times, it’s true,

I’d rather be a fool with you than “fine” without you.

I’m still in the same spot, I haven’t moved an inch.

Holding my breath until my stomach starts to lynch.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’ll keep saying it to the air,

Until I finally believe that you’re not even there.

A million times…

I’d try a million times.

(A million times…)