FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

This one’s for every stray, menace, and fuzzy little roommate I’ve ever “rescued.”

PIP:

“mrrrp”

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

And for Pip, official cat sound department.

PIP:

*mrrrp, brrt* "I work for treats".

FATTYFOOT (sung, call-and-response style):

Whose the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow

I’m the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow!

You're the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow

Its the lil’ kitty cat queen! — meow meow

PIP (underneath):

"mrrrp, meow"

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

First was Sir Biscuit Claw, behind the tavern door,

One eye shut, one ear gone, still purring on the floor.

Stole my bread right off the plate, never said “I’m sorry,”

I said “You’re bold, you’re hired, welcome to my inventory.”

PIP:

*chirp*

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Then Duchess Pounce-a-Lot, stripes like spilled red wine,

Trapped on some noble’s lap, you could tell she wasn’t fine.

She bit his rings, she bit his wig, she bit his dignity,

I said “You’re wasted in this house, come cause chaos with me.”

PIP:

*hiss*

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Whose the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow

I’m the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow!

You're the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow

Its the lil’ kitty cat queen! — meow meow

PIP:

“mrow?” “mrrrrrp”

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Void Noodle came from a necromancer’s lair below,

Pure black fuzz with two gold eyes, glowin’ like “hello.”

We’re fighting skulls and cursed junk, I hear one tiny “mep,”

He’s curled in the lich’s hood, using ancient evil as a bed.

PIP:

*echo* “mep!”

MR. WIBLLES:

Captain Floorbread’s from the thieves’ guild hallway grime,

Only eats what hits the floor, says “plates are a crime.”

Feasts when dinner goes sideways, crumbs and chaos on the tiles,

I just watch that little pirate mop the world with crumb-filled smiles.

PIP:

*crunchy nibble, then burp*

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Soot Gremlin lives inside the flue, pure charcoal, ember eyes,

Drops ash bombs on bragging guests, then acts all fake surprise.

I bribe him with smoked sardines to at least aim for the door,

Now he only hits the jerks who talk too loud about their score.

PIP:

*laugh*

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Lady Murderpaws is white fluff with a tiny squeaky mew,

Only hunts my socks and quills, but she hunts them straight through.

Sleeps on holy paladin tomes like she’s the commentary,

Move her and you learn real fast which one of you is “necessary.”

PIP:

*angelic “miaaow,” *sudden hiss*

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Who knocks potions off the shelf?

PIP:

"mrow!”

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Who redecorates by stealth?

PIP:

“mrrrp?”

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Who decides what time we rise?

PIP:

*mew*

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Who owns 90% my heart and 100% my thighs?

PIP:

*purr*

BOTH (sung):

Little knife-feet, velvet crown, tiny furry fiend

All hail the tiny tyrants of the kitty cat queen

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

People say I rescue cats from alleys, ships, and towers,

But really they just see me and unlock recruiter powers.

I’m a walking open doorway with a pocket full of fish,

They climb into my life and rearrange my every dish.

PIP:

*soft chorus of overlapping meows*

FATTYFOOT (Female contralto):

Halfling Code addendum: “If it meows, it’s on your team,”

That’s how I got promoted to the kitty cat queen.

FATTYFOOT & PIP (sung):

Whose the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow

I’m the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow!

You're the lil’ kitty cat queen? — meow

Its the lil’ kitty cat queen! — meow meow

(repeat 2–3 times with growing crowd meows and purrs)

PIP (fading ad-libs):

“brrt… mrrrp… miau… MRROW… purr purr purr”