Everyone’s got advice on how to take a proper dump,

But don’t you listen – you’re the master of the plump!

So don’t be a clown, now show those suckers how it’s done,

Sit there three damn hours, describe the journey, make it fun!

They’re the waste, yeah, time to flush ‘em down,

Listening to your girl and her friends goin’ round and round.

They want diapers? Man, kick that madness out the door!

And when it’s time for love, cheese up your weapon – let her roar!

Load it up, full power – legendary blow,

They wanna trap your balls and steal the show.

But you set the rules, and you set the pace,

And if she’s down for this ride, she better know her place.

Push the pressure till her brain says “Whoa!”,

Then she’ll brag to her friends like it’s a talk show.

Next time she nags, just drop the truth bomb,

Then kiss her cheek and say “Morning, sugar plum!”

Stretch her wide like a garage door lift,

Roll to the station, grab a sausage – that’s the shift.

She’ll need some time to clean her pretty lips,

While you chill like a king on apocalypse trips.

If she still nags, shove a clarinet up that rear,

You’re a cowboy, baby – no fear!

Light a smoke, say “I don’t give a damn,”

Burp in stereo – she’ll love that jam.

She starts to dig it, weirdly enough,

But she’s gotta promise she won’t call your bluff.

If you wanna sit for hours, she better agree,

‘Cause your art smells strong like a royal brie.

Whole house stinks? That’s your style!

Embrace the chaos, go the extra mile.

Don’t act cool – you know you relate,

So loosen up, join the stink parade.

Thanks for tuning in, gotta hit the throne,

Time to crown my queen with a gift of my own.

Peace out, weirdos – it’s dumping time,

My love’s waiting for the porcelain rhyme.