Scrollin through my phone like

who would even care if I hit send

got a hundred little names in the contacts

not a single one I’d call a friend

Group chat turned cold, then quiet

they laugh in a corner I’m not in

used to sit at that table every lunchtime

now I’m eating with the vending machine

There’s this one girl / boy I kinda like though

heart jump when I see that face

but I’m scared of all the “what are we?” questions

I just want the crush, not the chase

So I smile, say “hey” in the hallway

keep it surface, keep it safe

rather live with a maybe in my chest

than another goodbye in my face

I am not okay

but I still get up, still fake that grin

walkin through the day

like I’m wearing someone else’s skin

Everybody left

now it’s me and the echo in my brain

Say I’m fine to their face

in my head it’s just rain, rain, rain

They say “you’ve been distant lately”

I been distant? look at y’all

you were cool till the jokes turned cruel

till my secrets hit your group call

Now I’m side-eye, headphones on

hood up like a little safe house

I’ve been talkin to the ceiling more

than I ever talk my feelings out

I’m the punchline when I walk in

I’m the ghost when I walk away

they only miss me when they need an answer

never when they wanna ask if I’m okay

And that someone that I kinda like

I keep them out of this mess I’m in

’cause I’d rather be a quiet almost

than another story that ends

I am not okay

but I still get up, still fake that grin

walkin through the day

like I’m wearing someone else’s skin

Everybody left

now it’s me and the echo in my brain

Say I’m fine to their face

in my head it’s just rain, rain, rain

Maybe I don’t want “forever”

maybe I just want right now

a laugh at the locker, two dumb jokes

someone sittin with me on the ground

Not a soulmate, not a promise

just a person who will stay

while I say it out loud, chest open:

“I am really, really not okay”