I was tryin' to be quiet

But my gut was makin' waves

My backside was screamin' out

"Can I let it? Can I save my dignity?"

Then I heard the thunder rattle

Then I heard it rumble again

Got a stink that shook the whole damn bowl

And I told myself

"Don't worry

It will soon end!"

I'm battlin' dirt snakes

And explosive farts are cracklin'

These cheeks are clappin'

And this whole stall is rattlin'

I'm sittin' on the toilet

I had to take a doody

When the doody hit the water

The water hit my booty

It's terrible and not groovy

Making a horrible smelling smoothie

Now the whole room smells like trouble

And my insides are feelin' moody

Then from a few stalls over I hear

"Yo girl!

What the duck?!?"

You can hear it in the farting

Like a storm before the rain

There's a tidal wave in the porcelain throne

That shakes the whole domain

And it ain't about what it is

And it ain't about what it's not

It's a bowel-quaking, bowl-shaking, earth-rattlin' bum cannon shot

I'm battlin' dirt snakes

And explosive farts are cracklin'

These cheeks are clappin'

And this whole stall is rattlin'

I'm sittin' on the toilet

I had to take a doody

When the doody hit the water

The water hit my booty

It's terrible and not groovy

Making a horrible smelling smoothie

Now the whole room smells like trouble

And my insides are feelin' moody

Then from a few stalls over I hear

"Yo girl!

What the duck?!?"

Then the force hit like a rocket

And it launched me off the seat

I was hoverin' for a second

As that blast shook underneath

My poor cheeks burning like a blowtorch

From the power in that plume

And I plummeted back down in terror

Like a bathroom missile bringing doom

I'm battlin' dirt snakes

And explosive farts are cracklin'

These cheeks are clappin'

And this whole stall is rattlin'

I'm sittin' on the toilet

I had to take a doody

When the doody hit the water

The water hit my booty

It's terrible and not groovy

Making a horrible smelling smoothie

Now the whole room smells like trouble

And my insides are feelin' moody

Then from a few stalls over I hear

"Yo girl!

What the duck?!?"

By the time I rose from battle,

Everybody else had fled

They evacuated the bathroom

Left a trail of tears instead

Then FEE-mah came rollin' in

With hazmat teams and masks

Tryna fight that stench of doom

But that odor still outlasts

We had liftoff, y'all, evacuate

That bathroom's gone kaput

'Cause when my belly goes to war

Even power washers can't remove the soot