I wake up in a room that reeks of yesterday’s regrets

The walls still echo words I never said out loud

My hands are clenched, my jaw is locked

I bite my tongue so hard it tastes like rust

I see her face and I feel the fire

But I hold it in—

Because blood is thicker than the gasoline in my veins

I count the cracks on the ceiling

Like the fractures in my mind

I hold the weight of silence

Like a loaded gun that’s never fired

I got a toy gun, screaming but it won’t shoot

Pulling the trigger but the bullet’s stuck in my throat

Every word’s a loaded chamber, but I choke

I wanna let it out—

But I can’t, no I won’t

I pace around like a ghost in my own house

Counting every reason why I should let go

I replay the fights, I relive the wounds

But my hands stay cold—

Because love’s a chain I can’t undo

I count the days I’ve wasted

Swallowing my own fire

I hold my breath till I’m shaking

Like a bomb with no timer

I got a toy gun, screaming but it won’t shoot

Pulling the trigger but the bullet’s stuck in my throat

Every word’s a loaded chamber, but I choke

I wanna let it out—

But I can’t, no I won’t

I see red, I taste iron

I hear echoes of a war I never started

I bite down, I hold still

I am drowning in the silence I built

I got a toy gun, screaming but it won’t shoot

Pulled the trigger so hard, now my throat’s bruised

Every word’s a bullet but they ricochet back

Swallowed the fire ‘til my lungs turned black

I got a toy gun—jammed, rusted, useless

Screaming my lungs out but nobody hears this

Stuck in my head like a war with no end,

I pull and I pull but it clicks again

So I breathe in, I breathe out

Swallow every scream till I black out

And I wonder if one day

This toy gun will ever fire