Saw you with your perfect teeth

and not a speck of dirt on you.

I thought---yeah.

I want that life.

Not this one.

Started with a whisper in my gut

"You could have more—if you shut up"

So I did.

Held my tongue

Bit back the parts that didn’t sell

Didn’t cry, didn’t dwell

Didn’t dip when I scraped

Or when they laughed

I kept going

Dragging what's left of me

through flesh and bone-deep need

Gold faucet

White teeth

Windows wider than the street

Keycard

Jet fuel

No time for barstools, no

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can make it

Crawl to the crown at the top

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can fake it

Crawl to the crown at the top

Sleep? I stopped counting.

Water? Just enough not to fall out.

I traded hope for sighs,

and honesty for lies

Kept my head down

while stepping over better versions of me

.....the one who’d say no,

the one who’d stay broke,

the one who gave a damn.

Every deal, every handshake

came with a piece of me missing.

Didn’t even notice when truth stopped

being me.

Didn’t matter.

Truth never paid my bills

Private driver

Locked door

Six digits, maybe more

Don’t ask

Don’t feel

Spread em to seal the deal

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can make it

Crawl to the crown at the top

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can fake it

Crawl to the crown at the top

Calloused knees and raw-tongued prayers

All I could taste was the climb

Everything else slipped off

like the wet down my thighs

I was kind—once

Used to see people

Now I see transactions

Slots to fill

Hands I hold just long enough

to use their momentum

to pull myself up

Lost love somewhere

between late flights and cold breakfasts

Didn’t cry

Didn’t pause

I knew

i was gone for good

Press photos

Polished lies

Sleepwalk in designer ties

Perfect pitch

Smiling wide

forget how it feels inside

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can make it

Crawl to the crown at the top

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can fake it

Crawl to the crown at the top

Now I’m here.

High as the top goes.

Nothing higher

than stolen miles.

Crowns everywhere...

lined up like trophies

on heads that forgot how to nod

Eyes glazed,

no fire left

Just the flicker of routine

We don’t talk.

We don’t touch.

We toast.

We nod.

We perform.

The mourning song

thick as wrong

afraid to breathe it in

all the way

cold expressions

Heavy suits

Smiling like i've earned their loot

Nol light

No fight

Just the dull ache of inner thighs

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can make it

Crawl to the crown at the top

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can fake it

Crawl to the crown at the top

This ain’t winning

It’s taxidermy in velvet chairs

We reached the summit

but left ourselves behind

I don’t even miss me anymore

we nod

we smile

we raise our perfect glass

we sit

we spin round and round

pretending we don’t feel

what we feel

mmm

cold expressions

Heavy suits

Smiling like i've earned their loot

Nol light

No fight

Just the dull ache of inner thighs

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can make it

Crawl to the crown at the top

Low and behold

I know I’ll be old

But I know I can fake it

Crawl to the crown at the top

This ain’t winning

It’s taxidermy in velvet chairs

We reached the summit

but left ourselves behind

I don’t even miss me anymore

we nod

we smile

we raise our perfect glass

we sit

we spin round and round

pretending we don’t feel

what we feel