OPERA BUFFA: “THEY READ A HEADLINE”
Grand opera buffa parody with exaggerated theatrical delivery, full classical orchestra feel, dramatic string tremolos, booming brass, timpani hits, and over-the-top dynamics, large mixed opera chorus shouting in unison and canon, multiple operatic soloists (soprano, baritone, tenor) with excessive vibrato and melodrama, hysterical moral panic tone, fast tempo shifts, sudden pauses and silences for comedic effect, intentionally ridiculous seriousness, satirical and absurd energy, sounds like an opera house staging a full meltdown over a misunderstanding, epic, loud, chaotic, and self-important on purpose
OPERA BUFFA: “THEY READ A HEADLINE”
Grand opera buffa parody with exaggerated theatrical delivery, full classical orchestra feel, dramatic string tremolos, booming brass, timpani hits, and over-the-top dynamics, large mixed opera chorus shouting in unison and canon, multiple operatic soloists (soprano, baritone, tenor) with excessive vibrato and melodrama, hysterical moral panic tone, fast tempo shifts, sudden pauses and silences for comedic effect, intentionally ridiculous seriousness, satirical and absurd energy, sounds like an opera house staging a full meltdown over a misunderstanding, epic, loud, chaotic, and self-important on purpose
Lyrics
OVERTURE — dramatic opera opening, fast string tremolo, timpani rolls, exaggerated tension
(chorus inhales together, murmuring outrage)
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CHORUS I — FORTISSIMO, FULL OPERA CHORUS, SHOUTED
AI IS BAD!
AI IS WRONG!
IT’S MAKING EVERYONE
STUPID AND LAZY
AND CONFUSED
AND—
(pause, orchestra hits)
—YOUNG PEOPLE!!!
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ARIA I — SOPRANO, OVERDRAMATIC, PANICKED
I READ A POST!
FROM A FRIEND!
WHO SHARED A LINK!
WITHOUT READING IT!
It said the machines
Are stealing our souls
(where were they stored?)
I DON’T USE IT
BUT I KNOW
IT’S BAD!!!
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RECITATIVE — WHISPERED, SPREADING PANIC, QUICK
Did you see this?
Everyone’s talking about it.
Back in my day—
Kids these days—
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CHORUS II — CANON, OVERLAPPING VOICES, ARGUMENTATIVE
IT’S NOT CREATIVE!
IT’S TOO EASY!
IT ALL SOUNDS THE SAME!
IT SOUNDS TOO CLEAN!
(voices split)
—TOO CLEAN!
—NOT CLEAN ENOUGH!
—SOUNDS LIKE A ROBOT!
—I CAN TELL!
(no one can tell)
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ARIA II — BARITONE, SELF-IMPORTANT, GRAND
AS A HUMAN—
(chest pound)
AS A THINKER—
AS A PERSON
WHO HAS NEVER TRIED THIS—
I CAN CONFIDENTLY SAY
THIS WILL END MUSIC
FOREVER
(aside, whispered)
After my show finishes buffering…
---
ENSEMBLE — ACCELERATING, CHAOTIC
IT’S TAKING JOBS!
IT’S TAKING SKILLS!
IT’S TAKING THINGS
WE NEVER SUPPORTED BEFORE!
(someone yells)
BUT ALSO
WHY IS IT EVERYWHERE?!
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CHORUS III — HUGE, MORAL PANIC, CRESCENDO
WE ARE DOOMED!
DOOMED BY PROMPTS!
DOOMED BY BUTTONS!
DOOMED BY FUN!
(gasps)
PEOPLE ARE LEARNING
WITHOUT SUFFERING FIRST!!!
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ARIA III — TENOR, NOSTALGIC, HEROIC DELUSION
BACK WHEN MUSIC
WAS REAL
WE WALKED UPHILL
BOTH WAYS
TO LEARN A CHORD
(wrong chord played)
AND IF YOU ENJOY
A NEW TOOL
YOU ARE CHEATING
AT ART!!!
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QUARTET — FUGUE, FAST, CONTRADICTORY
IT’S TOO FAST!
IT’S TOO SLOW!
IT’S TOO SMART!
IT’S TOO DUMB!
(all together)
WE DON’T LIKE IT
AND WE DON’T KNOW WHY
BUT WE ARE
VERY SURE!!!
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FINAL CHORUS — MAXIMUM HYSTERIA
BAN IT!
FEAR IT!
WRITE THREADS ABOUT IT!
(sudden silence)
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CODA — SPOKEN, OFFSTAGE, CALM, SMALL VOICE
…we made a song.
(pause)
It was kind of fun.
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OUTRO — ORCHESTRA BUTTON, COMIC
(single banjo pluck, curtain slam)