I woke early today to see the gifts under the Christmas tree

Instead a cold chill washes over me

I look around what do I see

Footprints lead to where my mother sleeps

And below the festive Christmas tree

I see a tiny little box that reads

"For your future sibling"

Wrapped in my moms undies

That's a line that cant be crossed

I wont forgive him for what hes done

Guess tonight I'm k***ng Claus

Ho ho ho

Merry f** Christmas

While I kick your jolly ass

I'll take your hat right off your head

And have this be the last thing you regret

Tonight I'm k***ng Claus

Elves with nun-chucks in the shop

That were no match for my Glock

Rudolph fought courageously

Now he's all over the Christmas tree

Mrs Claus put up a fight

TIll I told her bout last night

He gave my mom a gift from his private sack

Now I'm coming for payback

Ho ho ho

How festive can you scream

Standing face to face with me

Whipped with your own belt

Wonder how that felt

Tonight I'm k***ng Claus

Cornered you behind your workshop walls

Elves scattered round the Christmas halls

You're alone here as hell

I wrap your wrists in your own reins

Tie your ankles to the sleigh you love

Whisper in the ear of ol' saint Nick

"Lets go for a ride, you d***"

Face down in the snow as the hooves kick off

Drag you round the north pole you love

I'll make sure everybody can see

This year Saint Nick aint that jolly

Ho ho ho

Merry f** Christmas

Now your beard hangs nailed above my bed

And your hat sits mounted on my wall instead

You walked into the WRONG bedroom,

So I did what I had to do

Tonight I k*lled Claus

Now they'll only find you

Only find you when the north pole thaws