Welcome... to your best self

Blending thoughts, blending goals, blending you

It’s not a cult—it’s culture

(Drink up)

(Sip sip)

(Nourish that compliance)

Come get your brain all pureed up nice,

Mix a little self-worth with the marketing slice.

Add a shot of guilt and a pinch of fear,

Top it off with goals that ain’t even yours, dear.

(Damn that’s clean)

(Smooth like silence)

Drink productivity—swallow every goal,

Chasing that carrot while they eat your soul.

Got kale in your cup, but poison in the plan,

And a badge that says "Team Player" on your brand.

Corporate brain smoothie, don’t ask why

Blend your dreams till they liquefy

“Mindful Mondays,” shirts and lies—

Drink it all down with a side of “thrive.”

(Yes boss)

(Mmm synergy)

Yoga at 8, meltdown at 9,

HR smile says, “You’re doing fine.”

Pinged in Slack while I pee in shame,

“Did you circle back on the quarterly game?”

(Check the synergy)

(KPI my ass)

Smile for the camera, say “Mission aligned,”

While they fire half the floor through a Zoom redesign.

"Self-care" app just told me to breathe,

But my rent went up and I can’t fucking leave.

They say “You’re more than just a number”

Then feed me digits till I slumber.

Reboot my soul on company time,

My inbox screams but I mime:

“Happy to help!”

(...help who?)

(where am I?)

(why does my coffee taste like surveillance?)

Started dreamin’ in spreadsheets, speakin’ in brands,

Signed my thoughts away with invisible hands.

This isn’t growth—it’s assimilation,

A detox cleanse for imagination.

(Flush it out)

(Good worker)

Now my smoothie’s lumpy, truth won’t blend,

Stuck on a loop that pretends to mend.

But I taste the lies in the protein boost,

And babe, this blender’s coming loose.

Corporate brain smoothie, bottom’s dry

Turn your doubts into humble pie

Suck it down till the buzzwords fly

Then clock out, cry, and wonder why

(Yum yum)

(We love it here)

(Cheers to burnout)

Sssip the vision…

Blend your mission…

You’re a family now…

…until layoffs.