If I Was Never Here
[Style] grunge,Shoegaze,IBM,EBM, Minimal Techno,alt pop, post-punk,dreamy noise pop,phonk pop, steady.Intro: slap guitar attack, cracked whisper female vocal, detuned analog pad. Drums: distorted 808s, trap hi hats, snapping snares, glitch fills unstable. Bass: deep sub bass sidechained with kick, heavy and warm. Guitars: sharp slap rhythms, clean tremolo picked ambient, washed layers, overdrive punch. Piano: cinematic, hard attack, detuned. FX: reversed delays, detuned pads, whisper echoes, tape hiss, vinyl crackle, short silences, dynamic waves, ambient dropouts. Female vocal: very hard raspy and husky, very hard breathy, very hard vibrato, raw,frantic, whisper-to-explosive, voice must crack, break, tremble, and miss notes, let the voice collapse mid-line. broken room shouting, manic not polished. Delivery unsafe but alive. **CORE GROOVE: DEEP, WARM SUB BASS PULSE (like a heartbeat) and high-pitched CELESTIAL TONES throughout.**
If I Was Never Here
[Style] grunge,Shoegaze,IBM,EBM, Minimal Techno,alt pop, post-punk,dreamy noise pop,phonk pop, steady.Intro: slap guitar attack, cracked whisper female vocal, detuned analog pad. Drums: distorted 808s, trap hi hats, snapping snares, glitch fills unstable. Bass: deep sub bass sidechained with kick, heavy and warm. Guitars: sharp slap rhythms, clean tremolo picked ambient, washed layers, overdrive punch. Piano: cinematic, hard attack, detuned. FX: reversed delays, detuned pads, whisper echoes, tape hiss, vinyl crackle, short silences, dynamic waves, ambient dropouts. Female vocal: very hard raspy and husky, very hard breathy, very hard vibrato, raw,frantic, whisper-to-explosive, voice must crack, break, tremble, and miss notes, let the voice collapse mid-line. broken room shouting, manic not polished. Delivery unsafe but alive. **CORE GROOVE: DEEP, WARM SUB BASS PULSE (like a heartbeat) and high-pitched CELESTIAL TONES throughout.**
Lyrics
there was never really a “me” here?
What if…
all the memories I carried
were lies from the beginning?
Would it still mean anything?
And if no one could see me anymore…
Could I still call this living?
Hey…
Have you ever thought
you were truly “you”?
The “me” reflected in someone’s eyes,
the “me” kept inside someone’s memory—
none of it ever lined up
with what I felt was real.
No hope, not even despair.
Just broken pieces I kept holding.
Feelings falling apart,
and still—
I’m just here.
What is the real me?
I keep wandering, chasing an answer.
Sometimes,
my past self whispers:
“Why are you still alive?”
I try to answer—
but silence comes.
Because the moment I put it into words,
I feel like something ends.
my heartbeat slows down.
It’s like something’s holding me back.
A feeling that won’t fade,
a presence without a name.
My outline is coming undone,
my senses are bleeding away.
Memories drowning in static,
and with the dream—
everything, everything disappears.
I could never say it out loud.
Because the moment I spoke,
I knew it would turn into a lie.
The “real me” I hid from everyone—
maybe it never existed at all.
Even if it was just an illusion,
I don’t want it to end yet.
Hey…
Do you remember the times you were hurt?
The grudges, the things you couldn’t forgive?
Even those are slipping away.
Does that mean
I’m disappearing too?
I didn’t want to stop breathing,
I was scared of falling asleep.
Cold, quiet depths—
yet strangely gentle.
A place no one can touch,
no one can break.
My final place.
For some reason,
it still protected me.
This existence—
it has no name.
Even now, it remains,
a nameless weight inside me.
That alone is my truth.
What if I was never here
from the very beginning?
I still can’t end.