…i don’t even know who i am anymore…

…fuck…

3 AM and I’m still awake

Overthinking every mistake

Everybody says “you’ll heal someday”

But my heart still aches the same

I keep fake smiles on my face

Just so nobody worries again

Then go home and emotionally collapse

The second I’m alone with my head

I still reread old messages

Like somehow they can resurrect

The version of me that believed

Maybe I deserved love back then

I want somebody close

But closeness scares me to death

Cause every time I trust somebody

I lose another piece that’s left

Fuck…

I’m breaking down again

Fuck…

Don’t know where I end

Every night my chest caves in

Thoughts too loud beneath my skin

You try to save me from myself

But I’m too fucked up to let you in

Late nights with the speakers loud

Trying to drown these demons out

But every song just sounds like me

Falling apart emotionally now

I sabotage the ones I love

Before they leave like everyone does

Then sit alone and hate myself

For never feeling good enough

You ask me why I disappear

Cause love and fear feel way too near

I wanna be held more than anything

But I still freeze when someone’s here

I don’t hate you

I hate what sadness made me into

A soul terrified of loneliness

But addicted to isolation too

If you saw every hidden scar

Every sleepless night in the dark

You’d understand why I self-destruct

When people get close to my heart

FUCK—FUCK—

I CAN’T ESCAPE MY HEAD NOW

FUCK—FUCK—

I’M FALLING APART NOW

NUMB HEART / DEAD EYES / NO SLEEP

TRYNA FIND LOVE BUT IT NEVER FINDS ME

Fuck…

I’m falling through myself again

Fuck…

Don’t know who I’ve been

Every time you say my name

I feel my whole world cave in

I wanna be enough for somebody

But I don’t think I ever been

…fuck…

…still awake…

…still hurting…**