DCV - LONG WEEK
This slow, mournful sea shanty opens with a low, creaking ship’s engine and a distant bell, underscoring a somber atmosphere. Sparse accordion and upright bass join, their notes drawn out and melancholy. Captain Bart delivers spoken-word verses in a gravelly, resigned tone, backed by soft, minimal percussion and a gently plucked banjo. French horn swells and harmonium add touches of comedic exasperation between lines. The arrangement remains sparse, growing slightly during refrains with subtle vocal harmonies and dissonant maritime whistles. The track winds down to quiet ambient ship noises, fading with Bart’s uncertain mumble and a long, exhausted sigh.
DCV - LONG WEEK
This slow, mournful sea shanty opens with a low, creaking ship’s engine and a distant bell, underscoring a somber atmosphere. Sparse accordion and upright bass join, their notes drawn out and melancholy. Captain Bart delivers spoken-word verses in a gravelly, resigned tone, backed by soft, minimal percussion and a gently plucked banjo. French horn swells and harmonium add touches of comedic exasperation between lines. The arrangement remains sparse, growing slightly during refrains with subtle vocal harmonies and dissonant maritime whistles. The track winds down to quiet ambient ship noises, fading with Bart’s uncertain mumble and a long, exhausted sigh.
Lyrics
Intro Music: A slow, mournful, and weary sea shanty, with the faint, rhythmic sound of a ship's engine humming a long-distance drone.
Host: Captain Bart Blueheart (gravelly voice, sounds deeply weary and resigned, holding a half-empty glass)
SOUND of a record scratch followed by the slow, creaking sound of a ship's engine starting, a long, lonely whistle, and a distant bell tolling.
[Captain Bart] Ahoy there, ye long-haul drivers of the void! Captain Bart Blueheart here, and tonight’s tale is a proper headache. You know, a captain takes all sorts of jobs, but this one's a special kind of awful. The packages are tiny, no bigger than a thimble, but the distances are vast, spanning interdimensions, parallel universes, and all ends of our own cosmos. And to make matters worse, the whole portal system is shut down for the week for "scheduled maintenance." So, instead of a quick zip, it's gonna be a proper, old-fashioned, long week of traveling. A man can only take so much solitude, you know?
[Captain Bart] I’ve delivered a single glowing button to a dwarf star, a talking thimble to a parallel reality, and a single, important grain of cosmic sand to a planet at the very edge of the universe. The whole time, I've been thinking, "There has to be a better way." This is a one-man operation, and frankly, I'm getting too old for this. The grog is warm, the beds are soft, but I can't be in three places at once. I think I'm going to have to scale up. Maybe I’ll start looking to hire a few more captains, and maybe I’ll buy a few more ships. I'm telling you, I think there's a proper business in this.
The real problem is finding the right help. I'm pretty sure there's an Insta-Clone store in one of these alternate realities, and I'm a good worker. Maybe I can clone meself a few dozen times and get all the work done. But I can't just send meself. They need proper training. I'm just hoping that somewhere along the way, I can find that Ice Cream Calamari planet again. I could really use a little treat right about now. But alas, the long week is just beginning, and I’ve still got two more deliveries to make. It's a proper mess.
SOUND of a gentle sigh and a clink of a glass
After the break, we'll talk about the time I had to deliver a crate of singing barnacles to a choir of space whales. But first, a word from the folks who make sure your business stays afloat, even in the middle of a long week.
SOUND of upbeat, slightly cheesy jingle music starts up, with the sound of a horn honking and a car engine revving
[Fake Advertisement] Is your business stuck in a rut? Are you tired of doing everything yourself? You need Insta-Clone! Our patented cloning service will get you the crew you need in no time, so you can get back to what you do best: running a business! Insta-Clone! Because a lone captain is a lonely captain!
Jingle music fades out abruptly, followed by a weary chuckle from Captain Blueheart
[Captain Bart] Heh. Insta-Clone. Now there’s a proper idea.