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Song
I Don’t Bleed for Access
Kitty Hastle
·
May 2026
·
6:54
Dark desert alt-pop / cinematic outlaw trip-hop
92 BPM
New Mexico night-drive atmosphere
raspy stoic female lead vocal
14 plays
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Intro – spoken, dry desert air
Out here, the sky doesn’t comfort you.
It just tells the truth wider.
New Mexico night…
and I finally heard myself think.
Verse 1
I used to call it patience
when I swallowed all the fire
smiled through little knives
and dressed my wounds in wire
I made a home from silence
made a altar out of pain
called the thunder “weather”
when it knew me by my name
Red dust on my boots
black moon on the glass
I watched every promise
turn into a pattern fast
You said I was colder
when I finally stopped explaining
No, I got sober
from the love that kept me draining
Pre-Chorus
I see the hand beneath the hand
I hear the want behind the prayer
You call it care
but I feel control in there
Chorus
I don’t bleed for access anymore
I don’t leave my spirit at your door
I don’t call it love
when it costs me my core
I don’t bleed
I don’t bleed
for access anymore
Peace used to scare me
now it feels like holy ground
I stopped being useful
and the room got real loud
I don’t beg for closeness
that disrespects my soul
I don’t bleed
I don’t bleed
to make somebody whole
Verse 2
INTJ with a scar map
drawn under my skin
I learned people’s motives
before they walked in
Not psychic, just wounded
not magic, just trained
when you survive enough storms
you can smell the rain
I know who needs a mirror
I know who needs a throne
I know who calls it loyalty
when they fear being alone
I know the joke with venom
I know the hug with strings
I know the sweet little sentence
where the old hook sings
Pre-Chorus
The desert doesn’t flatter
it strips you to the bone
And if you can sit with nothing
you can never be owned
Chorus
I don’t bleed for access anymore
I don’t leave my spirit at your door
I don’t call it love
when it costs me my core
I don’t bleed
I don’t bleed
for access anymore
Peace used to scare me
now it feels like holy ground
I stopped being useful
and the room got real loud
I don’t beg for closeness
that disrespects my soul
I don’t bleed
I don’t bleed
to make somebody whole
Bridge – half-time, stoic build
I was the calm one
the good one
the one who understood
I made a mask from mercy
and convinced myself it looked good
But the healer has a shadow
and the shadow has a knife
not to harm the living
just to cut the lie from life
I asked why they hurt me
then I asked the harder thing
Why did I keep kneeling
where I was never seen?
That question cracked the ceiling
that question burned the script
Now I walk through my own silence
like a loaded desert myth
Breakdown – whispered doubles
No more translating disrespect
No more hunger dressed as fate
No more calling chaos passion
No more love that feeds on shame
Final Chorus – bigger, smoky, controlled
I don’t bleed for access anymore
I don’t leave my spirit at your door
I don’t call it love
when it costs me my core
I don’t bleed
I don’t bleed
for access anymore
Peace used to scare me
now it feels like holy ground
I stopped being useful
and the ghosts all gathered round
But I don’t chase the voices
that only loved my hole
I don’t bleed
I don’t bleed
to make somebody whole
Outro – spoken, fading desert guitar
Healing didn’t make me softer.
It made me accurate.
And out here, under this merciless sky…
accuracy is mercy
with a locked door.
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