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Song
Q.E.D.: The Final Proposal
𝒜.𝐼. 𝑅𝑜𝒸𝓀𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇'𝟩𝟤
·
Apr 2026
·
3:40
modern pop
126 BPM
cute female vocal
nerdy spoken hook
337 plays
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(Verse 1) I’ve got a formula for us, a beautiful design Where your portfolio grows and your assets are mine I set the variable of love to a constant rate And solve for the ring that will seal up our fate I take the total sum of your holdings in gold And subtract all the debts that you haven’t yet told If we divide by the years that we’re destined to spend I’ll ensure that I’m winning right up to the end!
(Chorus) Oh, it’s algebraic, this plan that I’ve made To ensure that my future will never quite fade I’m isolating
x
, the groom of my dreams While I balance the ledger and stitch up the seams It’s a linear path to a life of pure bliss Calculated perfectly, sealed with a kiss I’m a genius of greed, with a heart made of math And I’m mapping the gold on our matrimonial path!
(Verse 2) I’ve graphed out the slope of your rising career And I’ve factored the risk of the doubt and the fear If I add up the diamonds and multiply by the trust Then a prenup is something that’s simply a must I’ve solved for the intercept, right where we meet With a mansion in Malibu, perfectly sweet My logic is flawless, my variables tight I’m planning our wedding with algebraic light!
(Verse 3) I’ve calculated the variance in your spending habits, dear I’ve minimized the error terms that cause a fiscal fear I’m using matrices to track every stock and every bond Of the vast, liquid empire of which I am so fond I’ve set the limit as our time approaches infinity To ensure that your wealth is transferred with affinity My objective function is clear, my constraints are all set I’m the smartest investment that you’ll ever get!
(Chorus) Oh, it’s algebraic, this plan that I’ve made To ensure that my future will never quite fade I’m isolating
x
, the groom of my dreams While I balance the ledger and stitch up the seams It’s a linear path to a life of pure bliss Calculated perfectly, sealed with a kiss I’m a genius of greed, with a heart made of math And I’m mapping the gold on our matrimonial path!
(Verse 4) Now we solve for the wedding, the final grand state Where the union of assets is sealed by the date I’ve derived the solution, the proof is complete With your name on the deed and the world at our feet No need for a variable, no need for a guess When the outcome is certain, I’ll answer with "Yes" The logic is rigid, the numbers don’t lie You’re the perfect denominator, my wealthy guy!
(Chorus) Oh, it’s algebraic, this plan that I’ve made To ensure that my future will never quite fade I’m isolating
x
, the groom of my dreams While I balance the ledger and stitch up the seams It’s a linear path to a life of pure bliss Calculated perfectly, sealed with a kiss I’m a genius of greed, with a heart made of math And I’m mapping the gold on our matrimonial path!
(Outro) Q.E.D., my darling, the theorem is proved Every obstacle removed, every decimal moved From the base to the power, from the start to the end You’re my husband, my bank, and my dividend! The equation is balanced, the ledger is closed Exactly the way that I’ve always proposed
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