I got a microscope.

I got nothing to do.

I started asking questions

that I cannot un-know.

The average toilet seat carries 50 bacteria per square inch.

I know.

I looked it up.

Now look at your kitchen sink.

Your kitchen sink has 500,000 bacteria per square inch.

You eat near that.

Every day.

You are eating near a biological incident.

"Looks like dinner...

just became a crime scene."

*YEAHHH*

The toilet seat...

just sitting there...

being unfairly maligned...

Boredom microscope

showed me things I didn't need

Boredom microscope

now I can't stop the feed

Your sink is a disaster

your sponge is a crime scene

The toilet seat is innocent

and that's what haunts my dreams

The kitchen sponge.

54 billion bacteria per cubic centimeter.

That thing you use to clean

is the dirtiest object in your home.

By a significant margin.

The lab confirmed it at 3 minutes 12 seconds into the episode.

Nobody reacted.

We moved on.

This is fine.

*enhance*

*enhance again*

*one more time*

"My God."

I just wanted something to dooo

Now I know what lives on youuu

The toilet seat filed a complaint

science backed it up

and I am its advocate

[someone whispers ] enhanced? Does it not help

The evidence was there the whole time.

On your counter.

Next to the coffee maker.

You made coffee this morning.

You made coffee.

"meals we made along the way."

*YEAHHH*

You can replace your sponge every week.

You won't.

I know you won't.

I won't either.

Boredom microscope.

Case closed.